Sunday, May 15, 2011

I don't know what to title this post.

I am conflicted. No, not really conflicted.(IDK) It's 2011. The year I was going to graduate collage. On one hand I am sooo excited for and proud of all of my friends and old classmates for graduating and making it through their universities. On the other hand I am completely jealous. I always worked hard in school and was super proud of myself when I graduated high school because so many people I knew didn't. I never wanted to quite collage but due to finances (or lack there of) I had to drop out.... with debt in tow. I was that kid in class that wanted to be there, that liked taking notes, and liked studying. But that didn't matter when you go on to collage in the USA. After leaving school I had several years of depression. It sucked, majorly. But when I moved here to Sweden I knew I could try again, eventually, not like I have money to throw at a university now, but because it's free here (and they have student financial support for other things than tuition!). And all I have to do is learn a completely different language. I have been here for six months and I have learned a lot but it seems when I get a grip on one thing another subject pops up and rips it out of my hands, the grammar here is so different than English it makes my head spin... but that is another post.

Anyway, a lot of my friends are graduating and I just feel like I missed out a bit. I missed my young collage years. Of course I can go now but it's not the same; I won't have dorm life again which I actually kinda liked, collage parties with people my age, or cram sessions every couple weeks. I won't be able to be in my cap and gown with friends from high school or my freshman year standing proud next to me. I'm sure it all seems a bit silly. But when you have had a plan since you were in 10th grade and it falls apart and friends and classmates still have their plans intact it is... tough. I have a cloud of failure looming over my head.

I am very happy for the class of 2011. You did awesome and I am so proud of everyone! I can't wait to see what everyone does next. Hopefully I can register soon for class of 2015 (ehh...sounds odd).

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